I haven’t posted any articles recently because I have been lazy about the habit. I do have many other legitimate responsibilities and priorities, but I have ultimately been lazy.
In recent years, goals have directed my action in a meaningful and enjoyable manner. These goals were personal: getting a 4.0; graduating early; finishing a few running events. Whatever the case, the goals were always personal. I genuinely did not care if others found them uninteresting or trivial. During these times, I consistently woke up with a sense of meaning because the day’s efforts were aimed at something bigger than the mere activities that I was involved with. Training runs generated genuine self-respect; hours spent time in the library were made easier by the thought that they were leading me towards my academic goals. All seemingly-difficult habits were made much easier to sustain when I knew that they were making me more capable of goal-achievement. I took personal responsibility for obstacles rather than complain about how unfair or inconvenient they may have been.
The last 1.5 years of life have been a blessing that consistently overwhelms me with a sense of gratitude.
However, I have allowed many of my urges – to slack, to complain, to procrastinate – to override self-discipline in the last month or so as I have acclimated to a fresh lifestyle in a new part of China. I make excuses for abandoning useful habits for personal convenience; allow external conditions influence internal ones; waste time on things that I know deep down are trivial. As a result, I have been less satisfied with my life than in previous periods and self-respect has eroded.
I am now going to reverse this trend. This website will be a showcase and thinking zone for some of that process.